A Ménage à trois

There is something I realized, that has presented itself in a way that would seem like an epiphany. Yet after all these years I still refuse. Last night I had a dream, (what a way to start huh?) for real though, I had a dream. I was looking at a movie, not sure how the movie ended because I woke up, but I do remember that it was a good movie.

The whole reason for me mentioning this, is that I have a lot of dreams like this. It’s like I have my own movie theater in my head. So when I sleep, the lights are dimmed, the seat is comfy and the show begins. Sometimes I remember the movie, sometimes I forget, sometimes I’m even in the movies, but mostly I watch. So why is it that I do not write some of these blockbusters down? Well as you can tell by my blog, I am not that big on writing or typing anything down. It takes a lot for me to get inspired to write, I basically have to be pushed in. And so PUSH!!! Here I go.

This epiphany has nothing to do with me. The sudden realization is, that my wife of 13 years is having an affair. This affair has been going on long before we met and doesn’t look like it’s going to end either. I feel like there’s nothing I can do but observe from afar. I know it sounds perverted, but what else is there? I love her. I only want the best for her. If only I could find a way to pull her hands away from him, to gently place my hand on her chin and tilt her head so as to see only me. I feel as if there is no hope for me.

Unless… what if I were to involve myself? What if, I was to convince her that, even though I have found out, it’s ok, and then instead of watching, join in? Become a part of what takes her away from me, so that I can understand her needs, her desire, her love. I know I have what it would take to be involved but the question is, will she let me in. will she let me into that part of her life that steals her soul away to a place of ecstasy and satisfaction?

And the journey begins. I will no longer stand aside and watch my wife go to places that only she can see. I will no longer stare at her in hopes she will return. I will no longer hold her only to see how much she thinks of him. I will involve myself! I will become a writer! I will write every day even if it’s simply to inscribe the feeling of my moment.

So that when you see us you will know that we are involved in a ménage à trois of sadistic satire, a lamentation of loss, and a surreal life of literature that has a look beyond infinity. One day, if I try hard enough, she will let me in, and when this happens my dreams will come true. The movies in my head will find a place, and I for my part, will be in mine.

Unemployed

Sorry for the long pause of uncertainty! Loida was almost right about me not being able to keep a blog, but here I am. You see, about a month ago, I was “let go” from my job. Now, it wasn’t that I was all depressed that I couldn’t write, or emotionally just not here and needing to get myself together again. Being depressed is not my thing, and as far as emotionally, I’m a MAN!! We don’t get all emotional about stuff like that; we pick ourselves up and keep on moving. Our emotions are reserved for stuff like our children being born, or our mom’s dying, or movies like “Brave Heart.” FREEEEDOM!!!!! Oops, sorry about that. I really like that movie! Seriously, I was simply reflecting on recent past, present, and future.

The recent past. Well, let me start by saying that being unemployed is the best thing that’s happened to me in a while. I was a manager of a quite interesting warehouse, wholesale distribution of holistic dog and cat foods. My job entailed all the familiar duties of managing a food distribution warehouse, keeping warehouse clean, unloading trucks, in-bounding and stocking product, making deliveries when necessary, what?? You mean most warehouse managers DON’T do those duties? Well in a small company you do, along with damage reports, rotation schedules, disciplinary actions, and meetings with owner. Yes, it looks like I was more of just a glorified warehouse worker than a manager. Add to that an owner that questioned everything, waited to the last minute to make a decision, and never said anything about what kind of a job you were doing either good or bad, until it’s too late… hence the unemployment.

I’m sure if I had more input on my output, the results would have been great, but life is filled with “would have been”, and I can’t look at my past like that. The company I worked for is a good company, it has good potential, and I my wishes are nothing but the best for it. You will be missed.

That being said, I have not had a full week off from work in over 10 years!! With the exception of an occasional knee surgery (witch I don’t count because I was injured and couldn’t do anything fun). We have decided that I would take my time and really look for a job that fits the criteria established: not only to increase the productivity of a company, but one that also unlocks my full potential as an employee. (Hmm, I think I’ll use that in my resume) and in the process I would stay home with the children instead of sending them to a daycare. This would help us cut the cost, due to the lack of income being made by me at the moment. Well that and unemployment checks. Thank God for our government? That just doesn’t sound right to me, but oh well, thanks to the governmental system that has been established, I can collect a supplemental payment of the money I made while I look for a new job. That’s right people! I’m a “house husband”, or as my kids like to put it, they are at “daddy camp”. And so comes my present state of life.

The present is to come….